I am so pissed! Things at work are getting too much to handle. I now have to do 3 people's jobs and for no extra pay and no overtime pay. Needless to say I am back in the job market. I have given out my CV to various recruitment agencies. I have just had enough.
Then DH phones me this morning and tells me they will each be getting their bonusses in their birthday month. Bye-Bye Holiday. Bye-Bye Christmas gifts. Can't they just tell a person sooner. Now I will have to scrape together all our extra bits of cash just to be able to give my own employees (Agnes and James) their Christmas bonus. Can't his boss understand that you should tell people these things long before the time??? Not 4 weeks before!!! How are we expected to save within four weeks? DH cancelled his leave, so we will be staying at home this year, AGAIN!!! (And what drives me absolutely crazy is that we are always expected to contibute large amounts of money for expensive Christmas gifts for this boss. Well, this Christmas there won't be any contribution from us, we will be making our contribution in DH's birthday month, so please hold out for another 3 months.)
Plus the new job thing will also put any baby making plans out of the question for another year.... When will things ever work out for us? God, you are going to have to help me here, because I feel very overwhelmed, tired and disappointed in mankind at the moment. Plus the added stress due to my new workload, the search for a new job that pays more or less the same and our financial woes are making my body produce cortisol non-stop. And we all know cortisol makes the insulin levels rise, which makes my ovaries freak out, which makes me INFERTILE!!!! And for an added bonus it also makes me FAT which in turn makes me even more DEPRESSED. (And don't forget our Holiday is now cancelled so there will be no stress reflief anytime soon.)
I just feel so dissappointed. Don't these people see that both DH and I have been loyal and hard working?
I feel it's exactly because we have been so loyal and hardworking that they choose to abuse us like this...
Monday, November 9, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
HECTIC!!!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Just one more sleepie!!!!
Yay, just one more sleepie!!! Nix is already on her way to Jhb... Marthie and I were frnatically looking for suitable accomodation yesterday, so we were not the most producvtive employees and today we are running around like crazy bitches at work trying to get everything finished and done for mothend (Please remind me again why we decided on a monthend weekend??) and getting everything sorted and packed at home. I have my SIL for dinner tonight and I need to run a few errands after work. It's a hectic day, plus the damn report I worked on last night is still sitting nicely on my memory stick at home. So I've gotta run, but I will take lots of pictures and update you on Monday. Have a fab weekend.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Good Mood Monday
Hello readers, I am in a particularly good mood today. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that our OPM get together is approaching rapidly and that my week will be a short one. I am looking forward to it VERY MUCH. I cannot wait to meet those I haven't met yet and I cannot wait to see those I have met again. It's going to be fabulous.
In other news, I took the plunge and made the cut. I have had lots of compliments and many people have said that it suits me much better than my longer hair. I will admit I had a little cry about cutting it all off, but I guess I have gotten used to it already, and now I love it!!! It's so much easier in the mornings and it's way cooler. Cooler in the sense of not having a heap of hair hanhing in your neck and down your back in the middle of summer. Rikus also likes it alot and he said I should keep it like this.
We also joined 20 of our friends yesterday for the christening of my friend Christene's baby. She is a lifelong friend and has also had her fair share of miscarriages. This is their second child and the service as well as the luncheon afterwards was amazing. We were about 10 couples with the grandmas and grandpa's also present. So about 28 people in total. The food was delicious and the tables were stunning. We had lots of wine and visited for hours while a professional photographer took pictures of the whole event. In the past I have been at christenings where it seemed like we were attending a wedding and I have thought to myself that it was just way over the top and it just missed the whole point. But, at this christening it was a celebration of a life. The realisation of the big GIFT God has trusted our friends with. Most of the women that were present had at some stage suffered pregnancy loss. We all knew that it wasn't about the food, the wine, the flowers, the silver cutlery, the crystal glasses or the magnificent hidden centre cupcakes. It was about much more than that. It was about saying thank you to God for a beautiful baby girl and promising Him to guide her on the right path, while celebrating with good friends.
In other news, I took the plunge and made the cut. I have had lots of compliments and many people have said that it suits me much better than my longer hair. I will admit I had a little cry about cutting it all off, but I guess I have gotten used to it already, and now I love it!!! It's so much easier in the mornings and it's way cooler. Cooler in the sense of not having a heap of hair hanhing in your neck and down your back in the middle of summer. Rikus also likes it alot and he said I should keep it like this.
We also joined 20 of our friends yesterday for the christening of my friend Christene's baby. She is a lifelong friend and has also had her fair share of miscarriages. This is their second child and the service as well as the luncheon afterwards was amazing. We were about 10 couples with the grandmas and grandpa's also present. So about 28 people in total. The food was delicious and the tables were stunning. We had lots of wine and visited for hours while a professional photographer took pictures of the whole event. In the past I have been at christenings where it seemed like we were attending a wedding and I have thought to myself that it was just way over the top and it just missed the whole point. But, at this christening it was a celebration of a life. The realisation of the big GIFT God has trusted our friends with. Most of the women that were present had at some stage suffered pregnancy loss. We all knew that it wasn't about the food, the wine, the flowers, the silver cutlery, the crystal glasses or the magnificent hidden centre cupcakes. It was about much more than that. It was about saying thank you to God for a beautiful baby girl and promising Him to guide her on the right path, while celebrating with good friends.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
My feelings at his point
This might come as shock to some of our close friends and family and even to my husband who doesn't quite seem to think I am being serious. The truth is I am finished. I feel as though I have come to the end of the road regarding TTC. Yes, I still want to be a mother, and yes I still want to have babies, but I don't have the strength, the courage or the will to do it anymore. A woman I know had 2 miscarriages and then proceded to adopt two babies a few years after that, and I once thought to myself how could she give up so easily without even trying ART? Well it's NEVER easy. It's the constant trying, hoping, believing, doctors appointments, remedies, failure month after month etc etc etc. Then getting very close, but not close enough, then dealing with pain, loss, remeberance etc etc etc. It's hard. It's unfair. It's debilitating. It feels like a disabilty. The silent scream.
I never want to try for a baby again. I have been thinking about adoption a lot. Not so much that I am quite there yet. I mean I would without a doubt adopt tomorrow if I could, but I want to leave the idea lingering for a year or two to make sure it's the right thing, and to let my husband and family get used to the idea. At this stage most people are saying, "no, you must try again, it will happen....blah blah blah". But I don't want it to happen. Since we have stopped trying I have realised that I dont want to be pregnant again. Being pregnant is terrifying. It involves 10 months of uncertainty, stress, fear, anxiety. It involves scans and doctors. I have had it with scans and doctors. I never want to see a gynae ever again. When I think of the smell of the hospital I start to gag. I cannot go back there. I spent so much time in that hospital and none of it brings back any fond memories. I just have this huge feeling of relief that if I choose to, I don't ever need to go back there again. I know I sound like a real pissy, but I have been doing this for almost 3 years. I have spent three years of my life in a hell hole! After watching Cast Away the other night I thought to myself that I have also been on an island for 3 years. I am back in the land of the living now, so why would I ever want to go back to the island again? It's survival, but its not living.
So, I like our childless life at the moment. For now I have accepted a childless life. I might feel different in a years time, but when I hear of someone being pregnant I think " Wow, good for you". I dont have that intense yearning anymore. I dont feel that sting, and ask God why her, and not me? Yes I would love to have a baby, but I dont want my own baby. That sounds absolutely absurd, I know, but I dont want to be in that vulnerable state ever again. I like where I am now. I like not having to worry whether my body is ovulating. Even if AF wants to stay away for 3 years, so be it. Thats fine too. I couldn't possibly care less.
So I kind of feel like visiting the adoption agencies to find out how it all works , and the costs involved so that I can start to save for it. So many people have said to me that if I fail to ever have my own baby, I can always adopt. I think that time has come. I believe that if God wants me to adopt a baby, that baby will cross my path, and I will know that it's the right thing to do.
I never want to try for a baby again. I have been thinking about adoption a lot. Not so much that I am quite there yet. I mean I would without a doubt adopt tomorrow if I could, but I want to leave the idea lingering for a year or two to make sure it's the right thing, and to let my husband and family get used to the idea. At this stage most people are saying, "no, you must try again, it will happen....blah blah blah". But I don't want it to happen. Since we have stopped trying I have realised that I dont want to be pregnant again. Being pregnant is terrifying. It involves 10 months of uncertainty, stress, fear, anxiety. It involves scans and doctors. I have had it with scans and doctors. I never want to see a gynae ever again. When I think of the smell of the hospital I start to gag. I cannot go back there. I spent so much time in that hospital and none of it brings back any fond memories. I just have this huge feeling of relief that if I choose to, I don't ever need to go back there again. I know I sound like a real pissy, but I have been doing this for almost 3 years. I have spent three years of my life in a hell hole! After watching Cast Away the other night I thought to myself that I have also been on an island for 3 years. I am back in the land of the living now, so why would I ever want to go back to the island again? It's survival, but its not living.
So, I like our childless life at the moment. For now I have accepted a childless life. I might feel different in a years time, but when I hear of someone being pregnant I think " Wow, good for you". I dont have that intense yearning anymore. I dont feel that sting, and ask God why her, and not me? Yes I would love to have a baby, but I dont want my own baby. That sounds absolutely absurd, I know, but I dont want to be in that vulnerable state ever again. I like where I am now. I like not having to worry whether my body is ovulating. Even if AF wants to stay away for 3 years, so be it. Thats fine too. I couldn't possibly care less.
So I kind of feel like visiting the adoption agencies to find out how it all works , and the costs involved so that I can start to save for it. So many people have said to me that if I fail to ever have my own baby, I can always adopt. I think that time has come. I believe that if God wants me to adopt a baby, that baby will cross my path, and I will know that it's the right thing to do.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
A Lightbulb Moment
Warning: Discussion regarding Faith amidst pain and suffering. If you are not a believer please respect my beliefs in the comments section.
I just had a lightbulb moment. You know when you have been thinking things over and over in your head but you can't quite seem to pin it down, or when you have thoughts but you can't seem to form the words to describe them? Well, I just read a comment by a fellow blogger and it astounded me!!! This person hit the nail on the head perfectly. I have been quick to criticise, and I will be first to say, I was wrong. I have very strong views regarding faith and sometimes when someone is in a predicament and moaning about it I will easily be first to think that faith would have helped the situation and that it could have gone in a different direction if the bitterness and negativity was left out of it. As most of you know I have criticised other bloggers for negativity and not having faith in God but rather having faith in doctors and then blaming God when it all went wrong. You see in my eyes, God is not the evil one. He is not punishing us and He certainly doesn't seek revenge. Christ died on the cross, for us! Gary Kieswetter once said in a sermon "God loves giving babies" and I believe him. Whether that baby survives in the womb is a matter of circumstance, genetics, medical diagnosis and viability. You may ask why does God not grab in and save the baby? Many times He does, sometimes He doesn't, because He knows best. Maybe there was something wrong with the baby? It's not God's sense of humour. I will never believe that God will give life and then take it away a few days or weeks later. I had a daughter who was born dead, and I will never believe God looked down on me and decided to take her away from me. It was just a bad thing that happened. My baby still died, but God was there with me. He was crying with me. He was carrying me when I couldn't carry myself. Bad things happen in this life. It's called life - on earth - we are not in heaven yet. Bad things seem to happen to certain people more often than to others. Some people aren't believers at all an they prosper. Why? Not because God says so. You see we are tested by our faith. If our faith is uncompromisable the gifts we receive from God will not be easily compromised by this life. The bad things of this life like disease, death and sin, will not have a stronghold over us. But bad things like cancer, death, disease, financial difficulties, etc will still come our way. How we choose to handle it is what makes a difference the next time it happens. So after reading this comment on another blog I thought to myself this person really gets it. This persons knows what it is to have faith, even in the midst of going through difficulty this person understands that God is not to blame for our pain. God cries at the pain of his children.
I want to post the comment but will take certain names out to protect the identity of the persons involved.
I'd also like to say to the writer of this comment that I have in the past been quick to judge and that it was not fair of me. Thank You for writing this, and contrary to popular belief I feel the pain of your friend and I pray for her recovery and that you might find clarity with your own difficult time.
My friend, I hear your heart and it’s exactly what I’ve been feeling. So difficult to understand these things. Apart from X’s situation I’ve been going through a special brand of this feeling myself with the results we’ve been getting, which I will write about a bit more as soon as I pull myself together in all this confusion. Life is such an intricate and frail business and our hearts even more so. Despite all circumstance I believe with my whole heart that there is nothing sinister in God’s plans for us, His plans for us is to prosper, but sometimes I think our hearts fail to rest fully in Him and we are tested on each journey. Christ himself was tested (by Satan), who are we to be excluded from that same fate? We can go into a long debate over the causes of our suffering, but despite all of that I find my peace in remaining focused on God’s love and his grace despite my circumstance ’cause everything will pass apart from God’s eternal love. His righteousness is not affected by what happens around us, he is not more or less loving when a loved one dies from unnatural causes, and neither does He change when any injustice happens around us. Our minds struggle to get that ’cause we always want 1 + 1 to = 2. To me the real test of faith is to remain faithful in ANY circumstance, that’s what means to be purified by fire.
just as gold and silver are refined and purified by fire.
Zechariah 13:9 (New American Standard Bible)
9″And I will bring the third part through the (A)fire,
Refine them as silver is refined,
And test them as gold is tested
They will (B)call on My name,
And I will (C)answer them;
I will say, ‘They are (D)My people,’
And they will say, ‘The LORD is my God.’”
Holding on to God despite hardship, insanity? No. Faith.
Just like an athlete endures pain by keeping his eyes on Gold, we endure confusion by keeping our hearts focused on God.
If there is no justice, no pattern or reason, what do we live for? Chaos, destruction & randomness?
God’s heart is weeping for their loss. That much I know is true.
Please note: this is my personal opinion as I grow in my walk with the Lord. I am not asking anyone to agree or disagree with me. I was just astounded by the comment and wanted to say that I can totally relate to it.
I just had a lightbulb moment. You know when you have been thinking things over and over in your head but you can't quite seem to pin it down, or when you have thoughts but you can't seem to form the words to describe them? Well, I just read a comment by a fellow blogger and it astounded me!!! This person hit the nail on the head perfectly. I have been quick to criticise, and I will be first to say, I was wrong. I have very strong views regarding faith and sometimes when someone is in a predicament and moaning about it I will easily be first to think that faith would have helped the situation and that it could have gone in a different direction if the bitterness and negativity was left out of it. As most of you know I have criticised other bloggers for negativity and not having faith in God but rather having faith in doctors and then blaming God when it all went wrong. You see in my eyes, God is not the evil one. He is not punishing us and He certainly doesn't seek revenge. Christ died on the cross, for us! Gary Kieswetter once said in a sermon "God loves giving babies" and I believe him. Whether that baby survives in the womb is a matter of circumstance, genetics, medical diagnosis and viability. You may ask why does God not grab in and save the baby? Many times He does, sometimes He doesn't, because He knows best. Maybe there was something wrong with the baby? It's not God's sense of humour. I will never believe that God will give life and then take it away a few days or weeks later. I had a daughter who was born dead, and I will never believe God looked down on me and decided to take her away from me. It was just a bad thing that happened. My baby still died, but God was there with me. He was crying with me. He was carrying me when I couldn't carry myself. Bad things happen in this life. It's called life - on earth - we are not in heaven yet. Bad things seem to happen to certain people more often than to others. Some people aren't believers at all an they prosper. Why? Not because God says so. You see we are tested by our faith. If our faith is uncompromisable the gifts we receive from God will not be easily compromised by this life. The bad things of this life like disease, death and sin, will not have a stronghold over us. But bad things like cancer, death, disease, financial difficulties, etc will still come our way. How we choose to handle it is what makes a difference the next time it happens. So after reading this comment on another blog I thought to myself this person really gets it. This persons knows what it is to have faith, even in the midst of going through difficulty this person understands that God is not to blame for our pain. God cries at the pain of his children.
I want to post the comment but will take certain names out to protect the identity of the persons involved.
I'd also like to say to the writer of this comment that I have in the past been quick to judge and that it was not fair of me. Thank You for writing this, and contrary to popular belief I feel the pain of your friend and I pray for her recovery and that you might find clarity with your own difficult time.
My friend, I hear your heart and it’s exactly what I’ve been feeling. So difficult to understand these things. Apart from X’s situation I’ve been going through a special brand of this feeling myself with the results we’ve been getting, which I will write about a bit more as soon as I pull myself together in all this confusion. Life is such an intricate and frail business and our hearts even more so. Despite all circumstance I believe with my whole heart that there is nothing sinister in God’s plans for us, His plans for us is to prosper, but sometimes I think our hearts fail to rest fully in Him and we are tested on each journey. Christ himself was tested (by Satan), who are we to be excluded from that same fate? We can go into a long debate over the causes of our suffering, but despite all of that I find my peace in remaining focused on God’s love and his grace despite my circumstance ’cause everything will pass apart from God’s eternal love. His righteousness is not affected by what happens around us, he is not more or less loving when a loved one dies from unnatural causes, and neither does He change when any injustice happens around us. Our minds struggle to get that ’cause we always want 1 + 1 to = 2. To me the real test of faith is to remain faithful in ANY circumstance, that’s what means to be purified by fire.
just as gold and silver are refined and purified by fire.
Zechariah 13:9 (New American Standard Bible)
9″And I will bring the third part through the (A)fire,
Refine them as silver is refined,
And test them as gold is tested
They will (B)call on My name,
And I will (C)answer them;
I will say, ‘They are (D)My people,’
And they will say, ‘The LORD is my God.’”
Holding on to God despite hardship, insanity? No. Faith.
Just like an athlete endures pain by keeping his eyes on Gold, we endure confusion by keeping our hearts focused on God.
If there is no justice, no pattern or reason, what do we live for? Chaos, destruction & randomness?
God’s heart is weeping for their loss. That much I know is true.
Please note: this is my personal opinion as I grow in my walk with the Lord. I am not asking anyone to agree or disagree with me. I was just astounded by the comment and wanted to say that I can totally relate to it.
I am a daddy's girl
Yip, you heard me, I am a daddy's girl. Recently my dad has been very good to us. Well he always is, but I have been spoilt rotten lately. For my 21st birthday my mom and dad gave me a birthstone ring. After many years of wearing the ring every day the stone got a chip in it. So what did my daddy do, he replaced the stone with a diamond! The ring looks beautiful and now it never goes unworn. Then, my dad helped me pay the horrible doctors account. There is still an amount outstanding which is in dispute, but they assured us they would "fix" it. Then my dad got a bonus at work and what does he do? He offers to pay for my car's service, which by the way is a rediculously large amount (R6500 - they never tell you about this when you buy the car) , but before we even had time to think about the car's service or stress about it, the appointment was made and he said he would pay for it. So tomorrow I am carless.
I know my mom reads my blog and she played a big part in the gifts I received, so I just want to say:
Pappa en Mamma, Baie Dankie. Ek is baie lief vir julle!!!
I know my mom reads my blog and she played a big part in the gifts I received, so I just want to say:
Pappa en Mamma, Baie Dankie. Ek is baie lief vir julle!!!
Monday, October 19, 2009
I need your help
I am extremely bored with my hairstyle at the moment and I am looking for a new look.
My hair looks like this at the moment:
It's a nice style, but my hair is quite thin and hangs very flat most of the time. And the hanging flat does not flatter my face!
I much rather want this... shorter in the back with longer bangs in the front...
My hair looks like this at the moment:
I much rather want this... shorter in the back with longer bangs in the front...
I think if she thins it out nicely at the ends then it will have more body at the top and it won't be weighed down so much.
What do you think? Oh and with a new set of highlights of course!!!
The weekend was a victorius one
Our team won!!! Yay!!! I am so happy that our team won, now we get to play in the final against the Cheetahs which is always a big thing for those living in the Free State! To us it's like the Boks playing The All Blacks. It's big, and it's serious and we all watch the game together. Yes, it was close, but luckily we have Morne St.e.y.n on our side, so as long as the other team makes the mistakes under the pressure of our forwards we will put points on the board.
In other news, we had a fairly lazy weekend. On Friday evening we had Chinese food and watched 2 dvd's, one of which was 17 Again, which I loved. I realy enjoyed it and Z.a.c Ef.f.ron might just become my new boyfriend, (after Jordan and Jayden off course). On Saturday we did a few things around the house, worked in the garden, watched the rugby and had a braai at our Friend's house down the road. Yesterday I went to town with my mom and afterwards we had lunch, a tan, and a brief swim at their house. We also went to church and afterwards Rikus spent the rest of the evening jazzing up a presentation for today. We only got into bed after midnight, so I feel all worn out today.
Just 2 more weeks left until the OPM get together, and I am getting very excited. Rikus is also looking forward to it very much. I think he has heard so much of these cyber friends that he is actually wondering whether you are all real people and not just imaginary friends.
It is also my Mom's 50th birthday on the 30th. We will be driving home after the get together so that we can spend the evening with her. I would realy like to buy her something special, seeing that it is a special birthday.
Any ideas or suggestions?
In other news, we had a fairly lazy weekend. On Friday evening we had Chinese food and watched 2 dvd's, one of which was 17 Again, which I loved. I realy enjoyed it and Z.a.c Ef.f.ron might just become my new boyfriend, (after Jordan and Jayden off course). On Saturday we did a few things around the house, worked in the garden, watched the rugby and had a braai at our Friend's house down the road. Yesterday I went to town with my mom and afterwards we had lunch, a tan, and a brief swim at their house. We also went to church and afterwards Rikus spent the rest of the evening jazzing up a presentation for today. We only got into bed after midnight, so I feel all worn out today.
Just 2 more weeks left until the OPM get together, and I am getting very excited. Rikus is also looking forward to it very much. I think he has heard so much of these cyber friends that he is actually wondering whether you are all real people and not just imaginary friends.
It is also my Mom's 50th birthday on the 30th. We will be driving home after the get together so that we can spend the evening with her. I would realy like to buy her something special, seeing that it is a special birthday.
Any ideas or suggestions?
Monday, October 12, 2009
We have done it
Okay, so after many e-mails and requests for me to let you guys know how I am, I will do an update.
Work is a bit slower this week due to the fact that our audit is finally finished. Yay!!! Our Financials are completed, our audit report is fabulous, our deadlines were met and we are very proud of ourselves. We have been commended by our Head Office and we stand very proud today. Our hard work and efforts have paid off. We can relax a bit now, but not for long because the next month-end is just around the corner.
After leaving work early on Friday afternoon I went to visit my parents who had just returned from holiday. I looked forward to having a very nice relaxing weekend, because I had been working every weekend for the past month. It was glorious!!! I could sleep in, sit around in my PJ's and just chill wtihout stressing about anything. On Friday evenings we usually go out for supper. (It's like our date night) So we went to Spur, and then rushed home to watch Boer soek 'n Vrou. I didn't even make it halfway through and snored away while Rikus watched the DVD we rented by himself.
On Saturday morning I got up at 9am, made us some breakfast and gave James instructions on what I wanted done in the garden. I finished the book I was reading and we had a long stroll around the park accross the street from our house. We made some crumbed steak, garlic bread, salad and had some wine while we sat chatting on our stoep about our best friends who live 4 houses away from us. Armand, who is Rikus' best friend and was also Rikus' best man at our wedding is the youth pastor at our church. His wife is a very close friend of mine and also my hairdresser. She recently opened a high-end salon at the new mall. Our Saturdays are almost always spend the evenings with them so we were missing them because they were away for the weekend. We then snuggled up in front of the TV as it started to rain and watched a couple of DVD's.
On Sunday morning it was still raining, so Rikus made us a lovely breakfast in bed and we watched TV with the dogs playing around on the bed for about 2 hours. When we finally got up we got dressed and headed off to my parents' house where we had lovely Lamb rib, pumpkin, cabbage, potatoes, gravy, rice and sous kluitjies. Afterwards we went home and Rikus eventually decided to put up the new curtain rails we bought over a year ago for the baby room. I packed away all the baby gear like the camp cot, the pram, the car seat, the bed and cot linen, the toys, baby books etc. We actually had quite some fun trying get it all packed up into the original boxes. How they fit them in there in the first place, astounds me. We then hung the new curtains, made up the bed with the new linen and voila, no baby room anymore. Afterwards we stood there looking at the room, and we were very proud of our efforts. In a matter of 3 hours there wasn't a single baby related thing in sight. And it felt good. It felt very good. We have come so far in the past year. We have learned alot and we have grown so much closer. We are each other's best friends. We are each others soul mates, and we are each others care givers.
Work is a bit slower this week due to the fact that our audit is finally finished. Yay!!! Our Financials are completed, our audit report is fabulous, our deadlines were met and we are very proud of ourselves. We have been commended by our Head Office and we stand very proud today. Our hard work and efforts have paid off. We can relax a bit now, but not for long because the next month-end is just around the corner.
After leaving work early on Friday afternoon I went to visit my parents who had just returned from holiday. I looked forward to having a very nice relaxing weekend, because I had been working every weekend for the past month. It was glorious!!! I could sleep in, sit around in my PJ's and just chill wtihout stressing about anything. On Friday evenings we usually go out for supper. (It's like our date night) So we went to Spur, and then rushed home to watch Boer soek 'n Vrou. I didn't even make it halfway through and snored away while Rikus watched the DVD we rented by himself.
On Saturday morning I got up at 9am, made us some breakfast and gave James instructions on what I wanted done in the garden. I finished the book I was reading and we had a long stroll around the park accross the street from our house. We made some crumbed steak, garlic bread, salad and had some wine while we sat chatting on our stoep about our best friends who live 4 houses away from us. Armand, who is Rikus' best friend and was also Rikus' best man at our wedding is the youth pastor at our church. His wife is a very close friend of mine and also my hairdresser. She recently opened a high-end salon at the new mall. Our Saturdays are almost always spend the evenings with them so we were missing them because they were away for the weekend. We then snuggled up in front of the TV as it started to rain and watched a couple of DVD's.
On Sunday morning it was still raining, so Rikus made us a lovely breakfast in bed and we watched TV with the dogs playing around on the bed for about 2 hours. When we finally got up we got dressed and headed off to my parents' house where we had lovely Lamb rib, pumpkin, cabbage, potatoes, gravy, rice and sous kluitjies. Afterwards we went home and Rikus eventually decided to put up the new curtain rails we bought over a year ago for the baby room. I packed away all the baby gear like the camp cot, the pram, the car seat, the bed and cot linen, the toys, baby books etc. We actually had quite some fun trying get it all packed up into the original boxes. How they fit them in there in the first place, astounds me. We then hung the new curtains, made up the bed with the new linen and voila, no baby room anymore. Afterwards we stood there looking at the room, and we were very proud of our efforts. In a matter of 3 hours there wasn't a single baby related thing in sight. And it felt good. It felt very good. We have come so far in the past year. We have learned alot and we have grown so much closer. We are each other's best friends. We are each others soul mates, and we are each others care givers.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
What's on your night stand???
Okay so for a bit of fun, today we are going to tell each other what is on our night stands?
Here is a list of what's on mine:
- a Bedside Lamp
- the scrapbook album Lesley sent me
- a few books - Eclipse from the twilight range
- Elisabeth's daughter
- My Bible
- a box of tissues
- a few beauty essencials like Hand and Nail cream and Environ Sebuspot
- whole lot of pills: EPO, Yasmine, Staminogro, Ecotrin, Glucophage, Omeg 3&6
- a pen
- a My Precious Angel figurine- a figurine of a woman holding a baby to her chest
- A small round silver jewellery box
- And a photo of Hayleigh
- Most of the times my cellphone is also on the nightstand together with my camera and it's battery charger.
So, I tag everyone who reads this blog, tell us whats on your night stand?
Here is a list of what's on mine:
- a Bedside Lamp
- the scrapbook album Lesley sent me
- a few books - Eclipse from the twilight range
- Elisabeth's daughter
- My Bible
- a box of tissues
- a few beauty essencials like Hand and Nail cream and Environ Sebuspot
- whole lot of pills: EPO, Yasmine, Staminogro, Ecotrin, Glucophage, Omeg 3&6
- a pen
- a My Precious Angel figurine- a figurine of a woman holding a baby to her chest
- A small round silver jewellery box
- And a photo of Hayleigh
- Most of the times my cellphone is also on the nightstand together with my camera and it's battery charger.
So, I tag everyone who reads this blog, tell us whats on your night stand?
For my friend
I am sorry that I always forget when you are going to hospital. I feel like such a bad friend!!!
You always remember my doctors appointments and stuff and I always forget yours!! I am ashamed.
I am glad your op went well on Friday, and I hope you feel much better soon. See you next week for coffee okay?
You always remember my doctors appointments and stuff and I always forget yours!! I am ashamed.
I am glad your op went well on Friday, and I hope you feel much better soon. See you next week for coffee okay?
Monday, October 5, 2009
My Sisters Keeper
Rikus and I went to supper on Friday night and we wanted to get to bed early becuase we both had a hectic time at work in the past few days, but we noticed that My Sisters Keeper was showing at the cinemas, so we couldn't resist. I have read the book and knew exactly was going to happen in the film, but needless to say I cried my eye out! I just couldn't stop bawling. The other people in the cinema must have thought there was something seriously wrong with me.
It was not the cancer or the sisterly love or the death of Kate or Taylor that got to me. It was the motherly love. The way Sara fought for her child's life. The way her whole life revolved around her child's disease and the way she tried to protect her from dying. I guess I was probably crying for my own dead child too.While there was nothing I could do for my own child I still know exactly how it feels to want to fight to keep your child alive. At the end, just before Kate's death everyone knows that she is dying and that there is nothing they can do for her, but Sara still believes Kate will live. Kate asks to spend some time alone with her mother and slowly Sara realises that Kate is saying goodbye. It is HEARTBREAKING!!!! I cried like a baby.
But you know what? I would watch it again and again and again. Not to torture myself but because it makes me feel better afterwards. It's like therapy.
So, if you have recently suffered a loss of any kind, I recommend you go and see this movie. Yes, it will make you cry ( alot) and yes, it will make you feel horrible, but afterwards you will feel so much better because it brings to the surface all those feelings we don't want to deal with, but once we do, we feel so much better.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Hi There
Hi There
I haven't forgotten about Blogland, I have just been terribly busy for the last few days. It is 30 Spetmeber so we have our Financial Yearend today. Hence the absence. Because our company is listed on the JSE it is quite a huge thing. We have all kinds of International Auditing Standards and Generally Accepted Accounting Practice that we have to adhere to as well as all kinds of Disclosures. Tomorrow morning we have our year-ens stock take which will also be attended by PriceW.a.t.e.rhouseCoopers. We start promptly at 5H45 am! That's bloody early man!!! And it's not easy. We have a whole factory full of Raw Materials which we like to call the Macro inventory, then we have a whole range of Additives and Micro ingredients like the medicines we add to the feed. Then we also have all the Finished goods inventory as well as the Work on Hand and the Stock in Transit. We also have Diesel, HFO, consumables and empty bags on site. We do these stock counts twice a month but this one is the real McCoy. Nothing can go wrong tomorrow! Nothing. We try to keep our Stock levels as low as possible on yearend for the convenience of a quick count, but also to look good on the Blance Sheet, and make our Cash Flow Statement a bit more attractive. Add to all of this a mild cold which has now morphed into the mother of all flu virusses. I just have to bear with it, becuase there is no way in hell I can stay in bed at this pint in time.
On a more personal note, I haven't had time to pack away all the baby stuff because I worked all weekend. The diet is going well so far. With this flu I was up all night last night heaving over the toilet bowl. At one stage I thought I had S.w.i.n.e flu, but I don't have a fever so I guess I am still safe. I haven't taken any Ciplatrim yet, because I must wait 2 weeks from the date of my last half a Cipramil tablet. I have been feeling the effects of weening myself because I have been a bit down the past couple of days, but it is hugely also aggrevated the extreme hours at work, the tiredness and the constant not sleeping well at night because of a blocked nose, a sore throat and aching ears. Other than that I haven't had time for anything else in my life. I went to gym twice last week, but then had to stop going because of the flu.
Everyone seems to be getting the typical end-of-the-year-syndrome. With our TTC pushed until next year we can eventually plan a nice old holiday at the coast this year. Depending on hubbies bonus of course. My bonus will amount to a total of Rnil this year because we haven't nearly made our PBIT. It's sad, but I guess everyone feels it with the recession and all. The only people making any money are the damn doctors!!! Yes, I am still a bit bitter!) But hopefully this year we will get to spend Christmas with DH's family at the coast. For the past 4 years it was impossible because the first year we both had new jobs and couldn't get leave, the the second year we saved our leave and all our money for our Wedding in February. The year after that I had a another new job and couldn't get leave because the financial manager had just left and I was the only person keeping the boat afloat. Last year I was pregnant and on strict bedrest due to undiagnosed bleeding. This year HOPEFULLY (PLEASE GOD) we can go away for a few days and just relax. We desperately need it. This has been a hard year emotionally, physically and professionally. The year went by incredibly fast and it seems to me like we never once stopped to look around or just breathe.
Will chat to you again later in the week, when the auditors have left.
I haven't forgotten about Blogland, I have just been terribly busy for the last few days. It is 30 Spetmeber so we have our Financial Yearend today. Hence the absence. Because our company is listed on the JSE it is quite a huge thing. We have all kinds of International Auditing Standards and Generally Accepted Accounting Practice that we have to adhere to as well as all kinds of Disclosures. Tomorrow morning we have our year-ens stock take which will also be attended by PriceW.a.t.e.rhouseCoopers. We start promptly at 5H45 am! That's bloody early man!!! And it's not easy. We have a whole factory full of Raw Materials which we like to call the Macro inventory, then we have a whole range of Additives and Micro ingredients like the medicines we add to the feed. Then we also have all the Finished goods inventory as well as the Work on Hand and the Stock in Transit. We also have Diesel, HFO, consumables and empty bags on site. We do these stock counts twice a month but this one is the real McCoy. Nothing can go wrong tomorrow! Nothing. We try to keep our Stock levels as low as possible on yearend for the convenience of a quick count, but also to look good on the Blance Sheet, and make our Cash Flow Statement a bit more attractive. Add to all of this a mild cold which has now morphed into the mother of all flu virusses. I just have to bear with it, becuase there is no way in hell I can stay in bed at this pint in time.
On a more personal note, I haven't had time to pack away all the baby stuff because I worked all weekend. The diet is going well so far. With this flu I was up all night last night heaving over the toilet bowl. At one stage I thought I had S.w.i.n.e flu, but I don't have a fever so I guess I am still safe. I haven't taken any Ciplatrim yet, because I must wait 2 weeks from the date of my last half a Cipramil tablet. I have been feeling the effects of weening myself because I have been a bit down the past couple of days, but it is hugely also aggrevated the extreme hours at work, the tiredness and the constant not sleeping well at night because of a blocked nose, a sore throat and aching ears. Other than that I haven't had time for anything else in my life. I went to gym twice last week, but then had to stop going because of the flu.
Everyone seems to be getting the typical end-of-the-year-syndrome. With our TTC pushed until next year we can eventually plan a nice old holiday at the coast this year. Depending on hubbies bonus of course. My bonus will amount to a total of Rnil this year because we haven't nearly made our PBIT. It's sad, but I guess everyone feels it with the recession and all. The only people making any money are the damn doctors!!! Yes, I am still a bit bitter!) But hopefully this year we will get to spend Christmas with DH's family at the coast. For the past 4 years it was impossible because the first year we both had new jobs and couldn't get leave, the the second year we saved our leave and all our money for our Wedding in February. The year after that I had a another new job and couldn't get leave because the financial manager had just left and I was the only person keeping the boat afloat. Last year I was pregnant and on strict bedrest due to undiagnosed bleeding. This year HOPEFULLY (PLEASE GOD) we can go away for a few days and just relax. We desperately need it. This has been a hard year emotionally, physically and professionally. The year went by incredibly fast and it seems to me like we never once stopped to look around or just breathe.
Will chat to you again later in the week, when the auditors have left.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Well, it not good news, but we have A POA
Yes as you can gather my Beta this morning was negtive. The count was 1.Woohoo, 1!!!!
AF is still missing though, so now I wait patiently for her to arrive.
But I have been thinking about a break for a few weeks now. It's hard for some people to contemplate but if you have ever struggled to get pregnant and if you have ever been through fertility treatments and the heart wrenching, nerve wracking waiting periods you will get what I mean. It's emotionally exhausting. It's like trying to hold everything together in the midst of a tornado, without looking stressed at all. Your hormones are all over the place and you are constantly living on what if's. You can't even plan a holiday, because the what if is always there. Your get your hopes up, and then you have do your best to catch them on the way down again. It's like permanently living in a state of crisis every day, because you see people having babies all over. Your friends breed like rabbits. You watch their children grow and you feel like your own nightmare will never end, but you believe, you stay positive and you keep a brave face. Sooner or later you just get tired of the whole situation and you feel like taking a break, but that feels like quiting and you feel you have come so close. You have smelled the succes, but not quite. And you go on with the struggle. You keep doing exactly what the Dr tells you to do, you try over and over again. You cry, you pray, you beg, you dream, you hope, you trust and then one day you realise God's time is not your time. So what do you do? You take a break. It's not the same as quitting. It's just taking some time out for yourself. It's a time of healing. It's a time of forgetting about it for a while. It's being able to plan a holiday without having a "pregnacy in the way". (Usually when I am pregnant I am also on bedrest, so we have cancelled our holidays 3 times in the past) It's called living without the burden for a while.
POA is as follows:
- Wait for AF to arrive
- Go onto BCP (to ensure regular cycles whilst on TTC vacation)
- Quit the AD's
- Continue on the glucophage
- Start Reductil
- Go back to gym
- Drink 3 litres of water per day
- Lose 25kg
You may also ask why not do just one more cycle, well, frankly speaking, it's to darn expensive!!!!
The thing is this, we have been trying to have a baby since the day we got married, which is almost 3 years ago, at times we got very close, but not quite there. At times we took a few breaks, but it was never really a "break" because the possibility of getting pregnant while not actively trying was always there. So this time I am going to do something for myself. I am going on the BCP to PREVENT pregnancy. This way my mind will finally know pregnancy is not possible and therefor I can REST. I also desperately need and want to lose weight. I am very disgusted with how I look and the size I fit into these days. I want to get fit and slim. For my health, my self confidence and for the sake of all the clothes I have in my closet, but cannot wear. To help with the weight loss I will be taking Reductil. One of the pro's of losing the weight is that it will probably bring back my regular cycles, because my insulin resistance will be more under control. One of the con's of using Reductil is that it interacts with AD's, so I need to ween myself off of them. All in all I am looking forward to doing the work that needs to be done and just pushing the TTC woes to the back of my mind, until further notice. I will keep you girls up to date with my weight loss journey and I will post some before, during and after photo's. Wish me luck!!!
AF is still missing though, so now I wait patiently for her to arrive.
But I have been thinking about a break for a few weeks now. It's hard for some people to contemplate but if you have ever struggled to get pregnant and if you have ever been through fertility treatments and the heart wrenching, nerve wracking waiting periods you will get what I mean. It's emotionally exhausting. It's like trying to hold everything together in the midst of a tornado, without looking stressed at all. Your hormones are all over the place and you are constantly living on what if's. You can't even plan a holiday, because the what if is always there. Your get your hopes up, and then you have do your best to catch them on the way down again. It's like permanently living in a state of crisis every day, because you see people having babies all over. Your friends breed like rabbits. You watch their children grow and you feel like your own nightmare will never end, but you believe, you stay positive and you keep a brave face. Sooner or later you just get tired of the whole situation and you feel like taking a break, but that feels like quiting and you feel you have come so close. You have smelled the succes, but not quite. And you go on with the struggle. You keep doing exactly what the Dr tells you to do, you try over and over again. You cry, you pray, you beg, you dream, you hope, you trust and then one day you realise God's time is not your time. So what do you do? You take a break. It's not the same as quitting. It's just taking some time out for yourself. It's a time of healing. It's a time of forgetting about it for a while. It's being able to plan a holiday without having a "pregnacy in the way". (Usually when I am pregnant I am also on bedrest, so we have cancelled our holidays 3 times in the past) It's called living without the burden for a while.
POA is as follows:
- Wait for AF to arrive
- Go onto BCP (to ensure regular cycles whilst on TTC vacation)
- Quit the AD's
- Continue on the glucophage
- Start Reductil
- Go back to gym
- Drink 3 litres of water per day
- Lose 25kg
You may also ask why not do just one more cycle, well, frankly speaking, it's to darn expensive!!!!
The thing is this, we have been trying to have a baby since the day we got married, which is almost 3 years ago, at times we got very close, but not quite there. At times we took a few breaks, but it was never really a "break" because the possibility of getting pregnant while not actively trying was always there. So this time I am going to do something for myself. I am going on the BCP to PREVENT pregnancy. This way my mind will finally know pregnancy is not possible and therefor I can REST. I also desperately need and want to lose weight. I am very disgusted with how I look and the size I fit into these days. I want to get fit and slim. For my health, my self confidence and for the sake of all the clothes I have in my closet, but cannot wear. To help with the weight loss I will be taking Reductil. One of the pro's of losing the weight is that it will probably bring back my regular cycles, because my insulin resistance will be more under control. One of the con's of using Reductil is that it interacts with AD's, so I need to ween myself off of them. All in all I am looking forward to doing the work that needs to be done and just pushing the TTC woes to the back of my mind, until further notice. I will keep you girls up to date with my weight loss journey and I will post some before, during and after photo's. Wish me luck!!!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Kayleigh's Story
Please go and check out his blog!!!
http://kayleighannefreeman.blogspot.com/
I beg you! Makes me think of Hayleigh so much!! And then there is the resemblance in the names too. Some people might wonder why read these kinds of blogs, when it hits home so hard and why read them if they make you cry? Well, it feels as though I am spending time with my own angel baby while I read about the experiences of other parents, and it heals in a way.
Please read Kayleigh's story. There are also many other stories linked to the blog.
Many of them are success stories.
http://kayleighannefreeman.blogspot.com/
I beg you! Makes me think of Hayleigh so much!! And then there is the resemblance in the names too. Some people might wonder why read these kinds of blogs, when it hits home so hard and why read them if they make you cry? Well, it feels as though I am spending time with my own angel baby while I read about the experiences of other parents, and it heals in a way.
Please read Kayleigh's story. There are also many other stories linked to the blog.
Many of them are success stories.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
I think I might be....
You know when sometimes you just know something? When you don't have proof but you just know it exists? Well, I think I am pregnant. I don't know why, but I just feel different. I feel pregnant.
Friday, September 11, 2009
TGIF
You can say that again! My boss (the one who is pregnant - and didn't know it until she was 14 weeks along) is in Pregzilla mode. She screams, rants, raves, bitches, moans and swears all the time. So I cannot wait for the weekend to arrive. Sad news is that it's probably going to last for another 5 months...
Other than the bad work week, I don't really have any news to report to you. I have been much more laid back in this cycle and sometimes I forget all about it. It is usually at about 10dpo that I start to get obsessive about testing. This time I want to try and wait till CD30 and then do a blood test, but WHO THE HELL HAS THE PATIENCE FOR THAT??? I'll try, we'll see.
Furthermore, we don't really have any plans for the weekend, so hopefully it will be a quiet one.
Other than the bad work week, I don't really have any news to report to you. I have been much more laid back in this cycle and sometimes I forget all about it. It is usually at about 10dpo that I start to get obsessive about testing. This time I want to try and wait till CD30 and then do a blood test, but WHO THE HELL HAS THE PATIENCE FOR THAT??? I'll try, we'll see.
Furthermore, we don't really have any plans for the weekend, so hopefully it will be a quiet one.
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